Not Much of a Confession

It’s time for everyone’s favorite confessional! Join me and all the folks over at Mamarazzi. Confession is good for your soul.

I Confess

Hunger Games opened at midnight and I couldn’t care less.  I’m just now slogging through the book.  It’s out of complete obligation, and not because I find it that interesting.

I Confess

I’ve only read 5 or 6 books this year.  That’s pretty pitiful.  I can’t seem to wean myself from my crap magazines.  I know I should read because I make my students, but…

I Confess

There’s nothing good to fill in the “but”.  It’s like exercise; I’ve fallen off the wagon.  I know if I just started reading again, I’d find my old love.  I did pre-order Jennifer Lancaster’s “Jeneration X” because I love her wit.  I can relate.  Plus, it’s supposed to come with a personalized book-plate (I think).

I Confess

I may need to take my buddy, Tracy, up on her offer to use her RSP (special education teacher) services to write goals for myself.  Yes, to make myself read (and exercise).  LOL.  OK, I am truly pitiful.  However, if I can’t get it together by June, she’s going to “organize” my life.

I Confess

If that happens, there needs to be a camera crew because it will be HIL.AIR.EEE.OUS. The blind leading the blind in hopes of achieving something.  We walked for 1.5 hours yesterday AND had dinner.  Our conversation? — all over the place.

I Confess

That may not be such a bad thing.  After all, if I’m not going to read or exercise, the least I can do is have some fun.  Right?

I Confess Some Parents Don’t Get It

Going off on parents! Parents Behaving Badly.

I Confess

Whenever I read about a parent attacking a teacher or coach for disciplining a child, the number of emotions that flood my system practically make me vibrate. There’s sorrow, anger, fear and indignation.  I end up holding a lot of rage towards the trend of parents behaving badly.

I Confess

I think these parents are crazy and completely in the wrong.  I don’t think they are being “Mama Bears” or “Papa Wolves” or whatever (stupid) trendy name is given to justify such actions. I think of them as immature people who really were not fully qualified to be parents.

I Confess

I think these parents think they are doing their child or children a favor by acting like this.  I get told they are “protecting their children”.  From what?  Life?  Solving a child’s problem by pitching a fit; yelling, screaming, and demanding; or by threatening someone’s livelihood does not make someone a good parent or even a good person.  It makes that person a bully. It sure doesn’t teach appropriate coping or problem solving skills.

I Confess

I don’t think they know anything about wild animals or wild animal behavior.  In the wild animals only attack when there is real danger.  However, we’re hardly living in the wild (at least not MOST of us).  The picture of a parent coming to school to “…talk to that girl who’s bothering my daughter” should be EMBARRASSING and SHAMEFUL.  Again, not Mama Bear but unbearable bully. However, we repeat these stories with glee and a certain amount of, “Well, she got what she deserved.”  Sigh… Honey…

I Confess

I believe the ongoing negative feelings towards schools and educators has helped to foster this trend.  People may give lip service and SAY they respect teachers and schools, but really they don’t.  Add to that the illusion that we are service providers and it’s a teacher’s job to make the client(s) happy, then you have an institution that is scapegoated for not meeting societal needs but then punished (literally) for trying to make its clients fall into line.  There literally is a culture of “You better not tell my child what to do!” 

I Confess

This fear of parental retribution doesn’t help foster a community or help it grow.  In fact, no changes will be made due to the fears that are instilled. A physically violent parent may not be the biggest threat.  After all, most home offices will support the school or teacher in these cases.   Aside from that, all bets are off, which is really sad because everyone says “It’s about the kids.”

I Confess

I think it’s about the adults.

What do you have to confess?

I Confess I’m Out Of Sorts

Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy night!

I Confess… that I am completely out of sorts today.  There are reasons, but while confession may be good for the soul, it’s not always good for personal and professional relationships.

I Confess… neither of those are going really well.  Since last June I’ve had any number of issues with friends, family, colleagues, and the institution of teaching.  Despite trying to unravel it all, I just keep coming back to a Demotivator I once read about dysfunction: The only consistent feature in all of your dissatisfying relationships is you.

I Confess…  I probably am actually depressed because not only is this funny to me, but I read it as Gospel. I think I’m at fault even though there are times when I’m pretty sure I’m not being met even a 10th of the way, let alone 50%.  Yet, I’m certain that it’s my attitude, my snarkiness, my desire to tilt at windmills, and my tendency to point out both the absurd and  just about anything that upsets other people.  Normally the expression kicking the hornet’s nest implies purposeful taunting.  I just run around barefoot and don’t pay attention.

I Confess… the multiple sting wounds hurt.  More than anyone can possibly imagine.  My slings and arrows seem overwhelming, daunting, and often uncalled for.

I Confess…  People want me to give up, give in, and go away.

I Confess…  That is NEVER going to happen. I may be down, but I’m not out.  I don’t break that easily.

What is your confession? 

I Confess — I’m Not a Hipster

I Confess

I didn’t take Davy Jones’ passing as hard as others I know, but it reminded me how much I loved The Monkees  I know, I’m not supposed to admit that because it’s a sure sign of being into “bubble-gum pop”.

I Confess

I like bubble-gum pop.  I like all sorts of music that’s not cool, not hip, not current, and not popular. My iPod (shuffle, no less) reads ADD.  Seriously, random distribution shoots out stuff like Rhianna, John Mellencamp, The Pretenders, Dolly Parton, The Who, Maroon 5, and then Brittney Spears.  If I like it, I will listen to it.

I Confess

Hearing that The Monkees outsold The Beatles gives me a little thrill.  I’m not into The Beatles.  I can appreciate them (or, more to the point, George Martin), but I honestly want to hear the confession that, “Yeah, we were high when we wrote Rocky Raccoon.  Nope.  No metaphor.  Just goofy.  Oh, I’m sorry!  You thought we were prophets…” Then they need to lather, rinse and repeat that for a whole lot of stuff that is just not worth listening to.

I Confess

I always preferred The Rolling Stones to both; however, I can see The Monkees being more “accessible” and less “threatening.”

I Confess

There’s no “Stone” I’d want to nail (regardless of era), unlike 1969-era Monkess where 3/4 were VERY do-able.  My favorites being Mike and Pete, which is funny because those were my REM dudes, too.

This, of course, has nothing to do with my deep love of The Who.  I have, and always will be, in love with Pete Townshend.  He’s got a nose with a view.

I Confess

This means I’m not a hipster.  I listen to the radio.  I have sketchy taste in music.  I get mocked by 14 year-olds for poor taste, and I’m still sticking by what I love.

I Confess

I wish I were cooler.

What is your musical confession?  C’mon it’s good for the soul.  Plus you get juice and cookies when you’re done. 😛  Link up with http://www.ourdandelionwishes.com/2012/03/i-confessshes-spoiled.html.

I Confess I’ve Aged Well…

It’s time to confess, along with Mamarazzi and my good buddy, Jolene.

I Confess

It’s two weeks to my birthday (to the day!), and I admit that I’m very childlike in this respect.  I’ll not only tell you my age, I’ll even add a fraction to it, then smile at you like some crazed idiot ’cause I’m so proud of being 45.

I Confess

I think this tendency drives the people I love nuts.  It’s like they’re contractually obligated to observe my birthday.  After all, if they pay attention to me much at all, they can’t even pretend they didn’t know it was right around the corner. Hell, if I could make an app called COUNTDOWN TO SUZANNE’S BIRTHDAY I would.

I Confess

I think this tendency started in grade school.  Iowa has peculiar weather where it could be 65 on February 12th, but then by the 24th a blizzard would have arrived.  As such, even if there wasn’t a snow day, the kids weren’t coming to school.  I know how those kids with summer birthdays feel ’cause it’s not so much fun to celebrate your birthday on a day that’s NOT your birthday.

I Confess

I also think it’s that my birthday has been forgotten multiple times, even though it’s along the same times as many others in the family.  When I was in 4th grade, I was at the doctor’s office when they asked for my birthdate.  I said, “Today.” and my mom looked at me and said, “No.” right before she gasped.  I had to pick out my own cake at Hy-Vee rather than getting one at Mauger’s. I hated that cake.

I Confess

It’s silly that I remember.  Plus the next year my nephew was born two weeks before my birthday so everyone was still ooh-ing and ahh-ing over him.  I’m not saying he didn’t totally deserve it, but when you’re 11, you’re not so gracious about sharing what you think is your limelight.

I Confess

All this fussing over the date is just silly because I’m not a big present person, I’m a little shy by nature, and I’m also socially awkward. I really just want a lot of birthday cards in the mail.  Sure presents are nice, and, hell, I’m not going to send them back if I get any.  However, giving a present under obligation and duress smells like nervous sweat and takes the joy out of it all.

I Confess

I don’t really see this going away any time soon.  And I’m kind of proud of it.  After all, I did end aging up like fine wine.  I am full-bodied, complex, fruity and definitely better tasting. 😉
Go visit my buddy, Jolene,  of almost 40 years. We’ve known each other since kindergarten. If that’s not a reason to celebrate, I don’t know what is.

BTW, what do YOU have to confess?  I hope it’s more interesting than mine. 😉

I Confess — Freedom’s Just Another Word for Nothing Left To Lose

I Confess

Ever since I took Julie’s class for the week she went to Yosemite for me I’ve been enjoying teaching a whole lot more.  While I admit that I shouldn’t have shared that I liked the 7th graders more than the 8th graders to the 8th graders…

I Confess

They’ve been so much more enjoyable since then.  They really have.  We’ve had some excellent conversations about the Declaration of Independence as well as civil issues.  It’s been so much more wonderful that…

I Confess

It almost makes me wish I wasn’t walking away.  I really do enjoy working with kids this age.  However, I know it’s so much better to go out on a high note rather than to exit tired, angry and bitter which…

I Confess

I certainly was.  However, now that I’m free to enjoy the rest of the year, relax my standards because the program I’m offering now won’t be in place next year, and to really cement the relationships I have with the students. I look forward to going through the end-of-the-year slide show, going to Great America, and giving them their certificates at promotion. 

I Confess

That I’m looking forward to teaching whatever comes next.  I’ve been told 3rd grade, so I’m finding all sorts of things on Pinterest to teach those topics and concepts. My friend, Carol, teaches 3rd as well so I have someone to help guide me, give me pointers, and suggest really good lesson plans.

I Confess

 I’ll have to change everything about my teaching style and start new.  I don’t even have supplemental materials, and I’d gotten rid of a lot of my lower level books. I wonder if I can do it — change levels and start new.

I Confess

I’m looking forward to the challenge.

Friday Confessional — Second Semester

Head on over to http://www.ourdandelionwishes.com/ for the original source.

I Confess

Two weeks ago I was a complete wreck. I was coming apart at the seams, apathetic and burned out. I had had more than my fair share of dealing with foolishness, and what I perceived as a lack of support. I felt mediocre at best, glad that I hadn’t resorted to simple paper/pencil classroom algorithm with no interaction whatsoever and a related video every Friday, but wishing somehow that I would allow myself to do that.

I Confess

That when my principal asked, I confessed all. I was sad, felt like I was offering mediocre education at the best, and wasn’t doing right by a majority of my students. I wasn’t having fun and I was tired of being the bad guy. More than that, I was downright annoyed that the people who should have been filling those shoes were vilifying me on top of it. I had been told so many times that “you just don’t understand” and “this isn’t what middle school is like, about, etc.” that I was feeling forced to drink the Kool-Aid. I was (still am) pretty sure it wasn’t me, but…

I Confess

I wasn’t sure. After 7 semesters of what felt like swimming upstream, maybe it really was me. I felt ashamed at my confessions to my principal. Not that I was negative in a moment of weakness, but that I truly believed everything I had said. That I, as a trained professional teacher, could not, nay WOULD NOT, if given a chance, walk back into my classroom and finish out the year. My face still burns with shame.

I Confess

I didn’t want to. In fact, I had visions of me cleaning out my room during Winter Break. That and finding some nice little Starbucks or Target job with no demands. Sure, I know realistically that all jobs have unrealistic aspects, not all are openly scapegoated in the papers and through on-line communities.

I Confess

I didn’t think I’d be ready to return to the classroom. While it’s true I don’t have my lessons planned, I have actually been looking, thinking, and researching various ideas. Even finding elementary ideas on Pinterest have reminded me that I actually do love being in the classroom. How I move these unrelated ideas and activities into an 8th grade classroom is still a mystery. But I’m excited that I’m thinking about it and what’s next.

I Confess

I’m ready to go back to school and teach. The last two weeks have been lovely, and I’ve been lazy. I have a lot of work to do, but getting in there, cleaning up, rearranging the furniture, and developing plans are all in my very near future.  In fact, I’m thinking Sunday and Monday. 🙂

I Confess

I didn’t think I would feel this way. I’m very encouraged by it.  It fills me with hope.

Dark Soul Confession

It’s that time of week again to confess.  While Mamarazzi is taking a little break Housewife Electric is hosting for now.  Come on and join in on the fun and link up or check out her site.

I confess…

I’ve been an emotional mess all this week.  I’m assuming that all of the stress and negative feelings from the past two months coming to the surface.  I’m vacillating between anger, sorrow, and complete apathy.  Not necessarily in that order and sometimes simultaneously.

I confess..

I don’t know the genesis of all this.  I know I’m unhappy at work, but is that because of work or other things?  No work situation is perfect, but it does seem to me in each of my teaching positions, I’ve managed to land someplace that seems glued together but then doesn’t meet up to my ideas and standards.  Which, of course, makes it sound like a Suzanne problem, not a work problem.

I confess…

My lack of enthusiastic emotional state towards my teaching has made me feel like I’m the worst teacher on the planet.  I feel too much of my time is being spent on management, which I truly feel should not be an issue with 13 and 14 year olds who are more than capable of controlling themselves.  I know from every parent of a child that age, that’s EXACTLY what you spend 99% of your time on, but while I was intellectually ready, I wasn’t emotionally steeled for this to happen.  It’s positively draining spending your emotional energy this way.  I know there are other ways, but I’m not sure how to get there.  Worse…

I confess…

I feel that the whole “pick your battles” thing, which is HIGHLY recommended, is how I got here in the first place.  I was ignoring or allowing the kids who didn’t want to work to pick that path.  After all, I can’t *MAKE* them (although I want to).  So instead of sending them out, giving them tasks at lunch or even trying to send it home (impossible because they place ALL work in desks and abandon it so they don’t have to show their parents/guardians), I’ve just tried to minimize it.  Now instead of one or two students like that, I have six or seven.

I confesss…

THIS PISSES ME OFF (see 1st confession).  Sigh.  So this little circular mess of an infinite loop needs an escape plan.  Sort of an if/then statement.  Thing is, when I try to talk about it at school, all I get is “What are you doing differently to get the students motivated?”  Which means, of course, it’s my fault. Again.

I confess…

If I could quit, I would.  That confession alone breaks my heart.  I’m not a quitter by nature, but even I know when I’ve been beat.  It is better to rail against the system or to go peacefully?  More than wanting away from this one job is the fear that I’m not a good teacher for ANY kid in ANY school at ANY time.  Maybe it really is just me.

I confess…

I don’t know how to take that.

 

Holiday Confessions

I’ve noted before that my life-long friend and buddy, Jolene (http://richjmylife.blogspot.com), does a Friday Confessional most weeks.  Half the time I barely know the date, let alone the day.  However, this format will serve me well, so it’s late.

I CONFESS

With the three of us, there is no such thing as a Thanksgiving feast.  I’ve never once made a turkey with all the trimmings.  There’s a huge part of me that would like to; however, I know it won’t be valued.  Therefore, it falls under the “why bother” heading of life.  I personally LOVE Thanksgiving.  It would be my favorite holiday.  I like turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, and pie.  Oh, I love pie.

Instead, we saw a movie (“Hugo”); I made macaroni and cheese that was deemed too rich; and I bought a roasted Chicken from the store.  I did try to have a dutch apple pie, but it wasn’t cooked and went into the garbage.  So much for Thanksgiving.

I CONFESS

We’re pretty much the same at Christmas.  There are only three of us. Keb is at the point where he only plays Yu-Gi-Oh cards so shopping for him is limited to one type of store.  They don’t really have Black Friday sales at card/game shops.  Sure stuff was on sale, but there’s no deep, deep get there at 4 am discount stuff.  I should also mention that Taed is not the easiest person to shop for.  All the stuff they show for me in advertisements DO NOT interest him AT ALL.  Sigh.  Basically Black Friday is for women and children only (unless you need more electronics. We don’t).

I CONFESS

I have no one to make Christmas treats for either.  I love to bake and to make candies.  However, neither Taed nor Keb likes them or eats them.  When I make them for people, I’m somewhat treated like I’m quaint.  I think people throw away my confections, so I rarely make them.  Yet, I love the whole idea of holiday baking.  I don’t just love the idea of it, I love holiday baking.  There is nothing I want more than to hole up in my kitchen with ingredients and bake or create all day long.  I just don’t have an audience.  Yes, you should pity me.

I CONFESS

This is all weird given that I am not a believer.  Yet, I love shiny and sparkly things.  I love to wrap presents.  I adore putting up lights, going out to see them, decorating the Christmas tree, and having dessert parties.  For me it’s never been about the birth of Christ, it’s always been about making people happy and pampering them.  I truly want to indulge people for a month, take them to see beautiful objects, and enjoy the time together.  I’m blessed, and I want to share my blessings with others.

I CONFESS

For all my want, I wouldn’t trade my little family who aren’t into this for anything.  If it’s truly about the people, then I guess I’m pretty damned lucky that I don’t have to do anything to win the love of my boys.

I CONFESS

I am blessed beyond belief.

Friday Confessional ala Jolene

Friday Confessional

My friend, Jolene, over at http://richjmylife.blogspot.com/, does this fairly often.  I don’t read the source blog, but I do read hers.  As a general rule, I don’t have anything to “confess”; however, this week is different.

It’s that time of week for Friday Confessional. Please join Mamarazzi  for confession!

I confess…
I CANNOT believe that it’s already August.  Needless to say, I’m not “ready” for it.

I confess…
That I squandered my “vacation” time.  In retrospect I have no idea what I did, and it’s pretty obvious from looking around here that it wasn’t much.  

I confess…
I talk about school and what I need to do, but I don’t do it.  In fact, you could say I’m completely underwhelmed and not interested.

I confess…
I’m not ready to go back to work.  I’m not even excited about school supplies.  This is one of the few years that I haven’t really purchased anything for the classroom.  How sad is that?

I confess…
That as much as I’m not ready for my non-contract time to end, I am looking forward to working with Pam and the students.  I really, really, really love this set of kids.  I’m hopeful that I still do and will.  We have big plans for them (I haven’t done MUCH, not I haven’t done ANYTHING!) that I hope work out.

I confess…
I am more than a little worried about going to Yosemite in January because I made ZERO effort to actually lose weight this summer. No heading to Weight Watchers, no logging food, no journaling about feelings, no switching to water from soda, no cooking nutritious meals, NOTHING.  Hauling these extra 30 pounds in the snow is going to HURT.  Oh well…

I confess…

Once the year starts, I’ll get reinvigorated.  For right now though, I don’t want school to start in a week!  Yes, friends, August 8 I go back for professional development, then school meetings, then an all-district meeting.  Come August 15, the rubber hits the road.  Will I be ready?

I confess…
I don’t know.