Friday Confessional — Second Semester

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Head on over to http://www.ourdandelionwishes.com/ for the original source.

I Confess

Two weeks ago I was a complete wreck. I was coming apart at the seams, apathetic and burned out. I had had more than my fair share of dealing with foolishness, and what I perceived as a lack of support. I felt mediocre at best, glad that I hadn’t resorted to simple paper/pencil classroom algorithm with no interaction whatsoever and a related video every Friday, but wishing somehow that I would allow myself to do that.

I Confess

That when my principal asked, I confessed all. I was sad, felt like I was offering mediocre education at the best, and wasn’t doing right by a majority of my students. I wasn’t having fun and I was tired of being the bad guy. More than that, I was downright annoyed that the people who should have been filling those shoes were vilifying me on top of it. I had been told so many times that “you just don’t understand” and “this isn’t what middle school is like, about, etc.” that I was feeling forced to drink the Kool-Aid. I was (still am) pretty sure it wasn’t me, but…

I Confess

I wasn’t sure. After 7 semesters of what felt like swimming upstream, maybe it really was me. I felt ashamed at my confessions to my principal. Not that I was negative in a moment of weakness, but that I truly believed everything I had said. That I, as a trained professional teacher, could not, nay WOULD NOT, if given a chance, walk back into my classroom and finish out the year. My face still burns with shame.

I Confess

I didn’t want to. In fact, I had visions of me cleaning out my room during Winter Break. That and finding some nice little Starbucks or Target job with no demands. Sure, I know realistically that all jobs have unrealistic aspects, not all are openly scapegoated in the papers and through on-line communities.

I Confess

I didn’t think I’d be ready to return to the classroom. While it’s true I don’t have my lessons planned, I have actually been looking, thinking, and researching various ideas. Even finding elementary ideas on Pinterest have reminded me that I actually do love being in the classroom. How I move these unrelated ideas and activities into an 8th grade classroom is still a mystery. But I’m excited that I’m thinking about it and what’s next.

I Confess

I’m ready to go back to school and teach. The last two weeks have been lovely, and I’ve been lazy. I have a lot of work to do, but getting in there, cleaning up, rearranging the furniture, and developing plans are all in my very near future.  In fact, I’m thinking Sunday and Monday. 🙂

I Confess

I didn’t think I would feel this way. I’m very encouraged by it.  It fills me with hope.

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2 thoughts on “Friday Confessional — Second Semester

  1. Jolene says:

    I know you! You will succeed in anything you do. I believe in you!

  2. Suzanne says:

    Thank you! I appreciate your support so much.

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