I Confess I’m Out Of Sorts

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Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy night!

I Confess… that I am completely out of sorts today.  There are reasons, but while confession may be good for the soul, it’s not always good for personal and professional relationships.

I Confess… neither of those are going really well.  Since last June I’ve had any number of issues with friends, family, colleagues, and the institution of teaching.  Despite trying to unravel it all, I just keep coming back to a Demotivator I once read about dysfunction: The only consistent feature in all of your dissatisfying relationships is you.

I Confess…  I probably am actually depressed because not only is this funny to me, but I read it as Gospel. I think I’m at fault even though there are times when I’m pretty sure I’m not being met even a 10th of the way, let alone 50%.  Yet, I’m certain that it’s my attitude, my snarkiness, my desire to tilt at windmills, and my tendency to point out both the absurd and  just about anything that upsets other people.  Normally the expression kicking the hornet’s nest implies purposeful taunting.  I just run around barefoot and don’t pay attention.

I Confess… the multiple sting wounds hurt.  More than anyone can possibly imagine.  My slings and arrows seem overwhelming, daunting, and often uncalled for.

I Confess…  People want me to give up, give in, and go away.

I Confess…  That is NEVER going to happen. I may be down, but I’m not out.  I don’t break that easily.

What is your confession? 

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3 thoughts on “I Confess I’m Out Of Sorts

  1. Mamarazzi says:

    YES YES YES…down but not out…love it!! i hope this was cleansing and good for your soul!!

    thanks for linking up your confessions, i hope your weekend is fabulous!!

  2. Jolene says:

    I agree with Mamarazzi…down but not out! Oh sweet sweet Rhonda. I feel awful such a wonderful friend as you are, going through all of this. You deserve to be treated so much better. Please do not feel that you are at fault for things that you are not…come on look at my life, I sincerely do not believe one moment that I am at fault for all of it.

    I will always be here for you and back up your choices. I love you so much!

    • Suzanne says:

      Thank you. I think I identified two key parts yesterday. One is that my (see Cassie’s comments) inner control freak is just going crazy. Like any kid who gets into trouble at school, I’m overusing a good characteristic in the most incorrect manner possible.

      Because so much has spun out of control, and I’m at some pretty loose ends, I am being overly controlling about my environment. This, combined with 8th graders, is just too much for my system. It’s clear that I need to restart behaviors that help me sort all of this out.

      It was good to complain. I do feel better. I’m glad you have my back.

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