What I Looked Like 6 Months Ago

While I’m not qualified AT ALL to diagnose depression in others, I have to say that I recognize when others are emotionally overwhelmed and not making good decisions.  Why?  ‘Cause I’ve been there and done that.

Over the last week and a half, I’ve seen behaviors that remind me of myself at the end of the last school year.  I’ve witnessed people angry at incidents or things far out of their control, and then watched as they spewed venom and vile going OFF about whatever it was that upset or angered them.

I now realize that my isolation wasn’t just self-imposed.  I think others had to have been avoiding me due to the fact that it’s hard to process a large amount of anger and negativity. It’s overwhelming to listen to someone who can’t or won’t find solutions repeat ad nauseam all of the slings and arrows against them. Just the glaring and physical energy is also overwhelming.  In short, it’s hard to deal with ALL that comes with someone who is so out of sorts that the desire to run is huge.

I can’t say enough how thankful I am to my family, the team at Kaiser, and my friends for helping me through this period of time.  My life now is just so much better than it was six months ago that it’s hard to believe I’m the same person.  I laugh more easily; I let things go; I look at situations from another point of view; I don’t worry about things I can’t control; and I speak up about what I need.  Sure, I still get overwhelmed and snarky, but it’s not the norm.

I wish I could help these people navigate their emotions, frustrations, and sorrow, but, like anything, it’s up to the person to take the first step towards change.  After that, they are ready for help.  Until then, the walls are up and grenades are being launched.

Too bad.  Life is so much better without the walls.


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