The Unthinkable

This spring I resigned my position with my school district.

It is, unquestionably, the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done.  The lack of job security at my age, the change in benefits, being unemployed, and searching for a new position are all scary.

I feel off kilter at not checking out the back to school sales in order to stock my classroom with supplies for my students.  Currently, I don’t have any.  I feel weird that I’m not planning curriculum or figuring out how best to refine my lessons.  I don’t know what grade I’ll be teaching when I find a job.  I feel lazy and un-moored; yet I recognize that this is one of the first summers where I’ve placed a premium on seeing friends and expanding my friendships.  It feels weird and wrong and uncomfortable, but I’m learning to focus on other priorities in my life.

As I continue to apply for positions closer to home, I am also realizing how STUCK I was.  I could honestly say I hadn’t moved forward as a teacher — implementing new ideas or trying different things.  I hadn’t had the opportunity to take on tasks that promoted school climate and community.  This lack of innovation makes me feel self-conscious when looking at postings.  Sure I know HOW to do the work, but it’s been 4 or 5 years since I’ve actually done it in the classroom.

I know that one of the things I’m looking forward to in changing positions is learning new methods, ideas, implementations, delivery, and design.  I want to continue to learn and grow in my profession, and the only way to do that is through change and discomfort.

With that in mind, boy am I accomplishing that goal!

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