Love, Obsession, Admiration

the past six months
have found me
confused, befuddled
unmoored

i didn’t realize
the connection
until I was reiterating
that steve jobs said
you can only connect
backwards

and i realized
i was sorry he was gone

i’d called him satan’s schlub
so many times because of the cult
that followed him
but realized it was with
great affection

because i found him admirable
in that he reminded me of
me

if it were he alone
i think i’d be ok
but then rem
called it quits

and i thought i was ok
with it because
i hadn’t been in love
or even like with them
for a while

but in truth
i wanted to be
i wanted to feel the joy
of listening on infinite
repeat the latest cd

which never came

instead, there was an
achingly beautiful
good-bye that broke
my heart

it still does

that hurts more

but the genesis
was the loss of
my beautiful baby girl

my cat

yes, i know
“just a cat”

but she wasn’t
she was my pride,
my joy, my brag
she never appeared old
until she was dying

i promised her
she could die at home

i never imagined she’d
die alone

and i would be stuck in a
work meeting that meant
less to me than
any one moment

with my sweetest love

in my rush to move forward
i’d forgotten to mourn

my love, my obsession, and
my admiration

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