City or Country?

The Country Mouse And The Town Mouse

People who don't know you, but who know me, are laughing so damned hard they're now crying because there is but one answer for this — the city.

Why? Well, to a large part because it's NOT the country. I mean, hell, I'm talking to a friend of mine today and, swear to God real life story, she tells me that her friend's dog was eaten by a mountain lion. A FREAKING MOUNTAIN LION. IT ATE HER DOG. IN FRONT OF HER.

Now you might think this dog was out running around, spreading its smell, tempting the wayward mountain lion. That would be wrong. It was with its "Mommy" of 15 years bringing in groceries. Apparently the mountain lion was hanging out in the jungle of junk in the yard and managed to snatch up the poor dachshund.

Apparently not only do mountain lions live there, but so do bears and foxes. Plus there are insects. Lots of insects. Plus, hello, nature.

No, I cannot endure nature for long periods of time. A nice park is good. However, I like paved streets, ready access to junk food, the ability to drive through a liquor store, and a Walgreens handy in case I need whatever.

Living away from the city, whether in the mountains or out in a field somewhere, reminds me way too much of "Little House on the Prairie." What I learned from Laura is to be THANKFUL, fall on your knees and pray to the deity of your choice, for the complete GLORY that is known as civilization. No scary creatures, lack of running water or electricity, annoying bright stars, or need to grow my own food. Not once have I needed to "get away" to the Hamptons or any place else.

In my warped world view, city life is the only life for me.

Just so you know, I'd make a piss-poor Pirate too.

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One thought on “City or Country?

  1. Jolene says:

    This past fall, we had three sightings of a Mountain Lion here in Iowa City. Possibly the same one, all of the sightings were during the day and near schools. Talk about scary. The children were all talked to at school on how to react if they ever see one. A month after the sightings in Iowa City a dog was attacked by one in Cedar Rapids. I believe your true story.

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