What does it mean when you veer off course
lamenting the results, but loving the actions
that go against everything
you claim to want for yourself?
What does it mean when you hide
in plain sight, a shadow here, a movement there
indulging in that which is wrong
but feels right, guilt be damned?
Is it a cheat, a lie, a deception or a denial
to quit, to overindulge, to use to the point
of gluttony, to hyper-focus
and then disconnect at the exact moment
that pleasure is delivered?
Is it sadistic to torture oneself,
or masochistic to play along?