Wow! That’s a hard one.
I don’t normally go all “Oprah”, but I feel the one truth that needs to be laid down in front of most people is the charge to actually live an authentic life. Some people need to be told that their bulls*it isn’t working. That the facade they present is being seen for what it is, and that, in doing so, it paints them as frauds and phonies.
The problem with this is being the messenger because you are confronting someone’s mythology about themselves. It’s also that each of you owns a piece of the truth, and you only see the truth from your side. Add to that, that the level of denial is pretty large, as is the instinct to protect the public image. Few people want to hear that, from your perspective, their parenting, work, familial, truth-telling, integrity, spousal skills are lacking. Fact is, these conversations are rarely constructive. Most people aren’t honest with themselves, so telling them the truth as you see it, it’s really going to change things, is it? Rare is the person who embraces change.
I think there is a lot to be said for going balls to the wall hard with the truth from your perspective. However, unless you’re prepared to lose, it’s most likely not even worth the trouble. It merely adds to the other person’s mythology (most likely of the victim culture), and paints you as an a$$hole.
As they say, no good deed goes unpunished.