I fully admit that while I’m often an early adopter, but I’m not always the leader. While I had a blog site originally on WordPress (one I can’t access), I didn’t keep up with it much. Therefore, when a friend of mine started hers, I decided that I should start blogging again. I used the same blog provider, very much the same theme, and some of the same layouts.
In the beginning, since I was rusty, I often looked to her for ideas and inspiration. Yes, I would steal her topics and add my own spin to them. (I still do this with other friends and their writing or ideas) What can I say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. For a while, we were neck and neck in blogging — discussing our lives, waxing poetic on our passions, and discussing the difficulties in navigating a life we hadn’t always anticipated.
Then, about a year and a half ago, she went quiet. There were occasional peeps, but not many. Then she went silent, stunted. That’s where she’s been for some time. At one point she went 7 months without blogging a thing. Then she started again, like it was a New Year’s resolution, but she’s written only about 20 posts this year — again in fits and starts.
While I’ve made light of my Christmas lists this year, I guess one thing I would truly, deeply wish to have for Christmas is this very authentic, female, mom, teacher, daughter, wife, Christian, and human voice back. I know of her struggles and her deep concerns of bringing these to light. I know her fears of acknowledging them, and her wisdom in holding back that which cannot be unsaid. I worry that she could be getting support for the very hardest of times. But truly, in her absence, I have felt deeply disconnected from my sister-friend. I feel that I’m not doing enough or even the right things to help support her at this difficult junction in her life.
All I want for Christmas is to know my friend again, whoever she is right now, and to help her make the best of what life has to offer.