What I Believe (or Don't)

The prompt was: Are you religious, spiritual or something else?

Definitely something else!

203/365 The Atheist Bus

A fact, a friend of mine once referred to me as the most religious non-believer she’d ever met. I have very defined ideas about morality, ethics, and what it means to be a decent human being. I’m probably a “humanist”; although, I don’t know anything about the doctrine of humanism.

On a good day, I’m willing to be agnostic or deist. I certainly don’t believe that any supreme being interferes in the daily life of humans. I believe that we are a gorgeously beautiful and lucky accident. Part of the reason for this belief is the whole idea that we would be made in “God’s image.” Trust me, if I were “God,” and I observed the flawed way in which we manage to interact with each other on this planet, I would totally have started new worlds. There’s no way I would isolate them, either. I wouldn’t actually separate them by galaxies, like I was some man with secret families. I also have to say that if I were made in God’s image, some of you should be terrified of God. To counter that, though, Jerome says that when you die and go to Heaven, you should be mad if God doesn’t look like you. I like that thought.

Based on the fact that I’m not a “proud” in-your-face atheist, and that I’m willing to vacillate to agnosticism, people have questioned me about simply engaging in “Pascal’s Wager.” Here is where my “respect” to a higher being (whether I believe in one or not) takes over. The idea that I should decide to “believe” because it doesn’t cost me anything is bothersome. If I were a deity, I’d be PISSED that someone deigned to “believe” because it doesn’t cost anything. I actually find that thought process offensive. I have too much respect of the supreme being I don’t believe in to actually do that. I think you have to commit heart and soul. Anything less is wimping out.

I can also sympathize with Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa had a crisis of faith and felt abandoned by Jesus for years. I never felt abandoned by Jesus, I just never felt embraced by or connected to him. I remember wanting to be “saved” and be part of the church. I went through the process. It failed miserably. I never felt the Holy Spirit enter me. In fact, once done I felt emptier than ever before. I’ve never once recovered from that moment. At no point have I felt the love of a deity. Strangely, it’s never bothered me; although, I understand how someone who felt the love of a deity would feel bereft if it left them. However, it seems to me that with someone like Mother Teresa, if there were a God, that God would have made sure her crisis was solved.  Sure, there’s “faith”, but really? Leaving someone like Mother Teresa stranded in a faith wasteland?  For what?

In the end, I consider myself an “open” atheist. I am open to the idea of a supreme deity; however, I always wonder if others are as “open” in their beliefs as I am in in mine. What if there really isn’t some supreme being waiting to give you a “better” life?  Would you live your life differently?

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