Parental Units Dispense Sex Education

Like most teenagers, sex was NOT something I really wanted to discuss with my parents.  I wanted them to assume that I wasn’t ever going to have it (at my size and with my personality, this wouldn’t have been too much of a stretch), and I’m sure they wanted to believe it.  However, they were adults with all the life experience that adults have.  They KNEW better.  At some point, they felt compelled to sit down and have “the talk.”

This is all I remember.  Please note: it has been shaped by both my warped world view as well as my sense of humor.  This may indeed even be a “false” memory.  However, it’s the only one I’ve got. 🙂

Mom:  “We should talk about sex.”

Me: “We do that at school.  I already know everything about pregnancy.”

Mom: (sigh) “OK.  I just have two things.  First, don’t laugh when he gets undressed. Men are sensitive about that thing. The second, go to the bathroom before and after, wiping from front to back.  That way you won’t get a urinary tract infection.”

Me: “OK!”

Dad (after getting the same please don’t talk to me about this speech and I’m already educated thankyouverymuch): “You’ll have the opportunity to have sex with many different people.  Don’t.  If you don’t care about the other person in some way — love or respect as a friend — then you are doing both of you a disservice.  Don’t just have sex because you can.  You should care about the other person as more than a sex partner.”

There you have it kids, sage advice from two people who had a clue.  Thing is, it still stands up today.  Don’t hurt someone’s feelings, don’t use someone simply for your pleasure, make sure not to get a disease.


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