What I Lost and Want Back

Otherwise known as bring the whine and cheese, I'm having a pity-party.

老勐赶街 少数民族 买鸡 Hill tribe women – Laomeng Market

When I read this prompt this morning, I answered in a most flippant manner. However, after channeling Alexander and his terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, I can honestly say my Olinder team.

I know I've written about this in the past, but I really, really, really miss working with Carol, Lynette, Liz, Robert, and Melvin. I miss Tracy and Erin. I miss having people who were realistic about the job and spoke honestly. We knew our gifts and our faults. We supported each other. We were there to make it all work better for everyone. We worked during the summer to give ourselves breathing room during the year.

I had extreme envy when I talked to Carol about the work she was putting in with her colleague. They were already planning out the year — what it should look like, what field trips and when, and the activities to accompany various holidays. I almost cried, because I don't have that. It's been two years, I feel like I'm withering on the vine. I have one colleague with whom I'm close, but, right now, it's not the same.

I'm sure, when push comes to shove, this is all somehow my fault. After all, I left first. I was the one who wanted "something else." Today, however, it hurts to be the lone ranger hoping to make it all work, but going into uncharted and, perhaps, unsupported territory.

I completely miss having my tribe. Yet, like the Thomas Wolfe novel says, "You can't go home again." My tribe is gone, scattered, lost.

And I, admittedly, am sad.


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