The end of an era, and the beginning of another

The nastiest thing I think I've ever said to someone, I said to Igor. We were in the middle of one of our normal knock-down-drag-out fights. We'd been having them for a good 18 years, so this was nothing new. However, this sentiment was new — surprisingly so. After some particularly nasty give and take, with my being tired of his superiority and air of world weariness about my life, I snapped, "In retrospect, the best day of my life was when you dumped my sorry ass."

Mind you, it was the last time we talked. That was 2 years ago. Yet, it's true.

If Igor hadn't dumped me, truly made me realize that I wasn't living for me and that the comment, "But I love him" is just absurd if the love isn't returned, I would NEVER, EVER have had the life I've had. I would have never reconnected with Taed, someone who makes me a better person than I'd ever be on my own. I wouldn't be working in a profession that, while maddening, is one that I love and am passionate about. I wouldn't have Keb. I would have never realized that I am a good parent, or that I COULD be a good parent. I wouldn't have my home, my life partner, my California happiness, or my new-found friends, if I hadn't been free to take those leaps.

Being dumped was the best thing for me because I was a horrible, self-absorbed, alternately an egotistical and then an insecure prat, who wasn't terribly pleasant to have as a relative, colleague, or friend. I made someone the center of my world and then blamed him for not being there. The sun cares not for the planets…

As hurtful as it probably was to hear, it was good for me to realize that all the good that has come to my life came because I opened myself up for it.

It was the first time I was in love, but it wasn't the last. The last time (this time), my love was returned to me. In full. Talk about silver linings.


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