Sigh… You’d think after two stints with Weight Watchers and a current standing appointment at Jenny Craig (I make it sound like rehab!) that I would have been willing to submit to some pretty standard weight-loss behaviors. It’s these habits that help make it a “life style change” and not merely a diet. Apparently the teen-aged rebel in me has been balking at those things lately. I’ve been indulging in my hedonistic desires, hell be damned if my pants don’t fit…. until my damned pants don’t fit!
While I haven’t been in denial as to why I’m gaining weight when I “really want to lose it”, I haven’t been exactly willing to look it in the eye and fully admit to my bad behaviors. I KNOW they are there. I will admit it IF I have to. Let’s be honest, I have to.
As I’ve been watching past episodes of Ruby, I’ve been struck not by her team of people, but the emphasis on her needing to trust them to help her do what needs to be done. I have that issue. While I do trust that both Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig will help me lose weight, I just haven’t been in the mood to follow them. By not showing 80%+ fidelity in the program, I am creating my deja vu, vicious cycle of gain and loss. That’s just ignorant. I imagine it frustrates the hell out of any leader to have someone farting around and not focusing. The excuses are probably pretty unbearable.
I’m also struck by how often her friends are asking Ruby if she’s following her meal plan, if she’s exercising, and if she’s journaling. Furthermore, I rarely see Ruby without a bottle of water. I reckon these are the subliminal messages I’m supposed to be paying attention to. After all, I haven’t been following ANY meal plan (aside from the see-food diet. I see food, I eat it.). I had been drinking water, but I stopped (I have a TERRIBLE soda addiction). As for writing down what I eat, not for a VERY, VERY long time. On top of that, I really hadn’t even mapped out my goals. I mean, I have a goal weight. I just don’t have a plan for getting there (I was rather hoping for a miracle). Add to this that I actually SKIPPED 6 exercises sessions in 2 weeks (while being on the see-food diet), and you can see how easy it is to gain 10 pounds. I RARELY skip exercise, so this was a big indicator that something was off for me.
With that in mind… I bought a little paper notebook at Target. I’m tracking both calories AND points right now. Yes, I am writing down what I put into my mouth. I imagine it will help greatly, especially since I’m writing the calories next to it. In the back, I set out a path for how to get to goal. If I lose 2 pounds a week, I should be working on maintenance this summer. If I only lose a pound a week, I’ll be close to goal by September. Still, either is better than buying a larger size by summer!
Finally, if I’m going to use a weight loss support system, it would be good for me to learn to let them support me. I know I’ve been doing this a long time. I know I have a lot of knowledge about losing weight and many resources. Yet, I still need to figure out WHY I overeat, what makes it seem like a good thing to do, and how to STOP it before it starts. I’m going to have to learn to trust the system.
That, if I can manage it, will be the biggest accomplishment of them all!