Complexities of Marriage and Divorce

I’ve come to realize that all entries are prefaced with background knowledge.

Admission: I was never into weddings.  I can honestly say that I felt funerals were easier because they were done in a couple of hours and you didn’t have to take sides when they were over.  As a child I never fantasized about being married.  I never wanted the big white dress, a fancy wedding with flowers and favors, the dance and the rest of the crap that comes with it.  First, I hate the profane exhibits that come with weddings.  Something as personal as making life-long promises should not be viewed by someone who “happens” to know you.  Second, the money spent is often some obscene amount with very little return.  Then there are the demands and hostage situations that occur.  Better to just get married and avoid weddings at all cost.

That said, not everyone is me.  Therefore, I’ve spent the better part of 25 years hearing about women’s weddings.  By the way, it’s ALWAYS the woman’s wedding.  With metrosexuality, it’s become slightly less so, but let’s be honest.  Those men make us uncomfortable.  We’re never surprised when those marriages fail.

Women, however, LOVE to talk about their weddings.  They wax poetic about the cost of the dress, the flowers, who made the cake (wedding cake usually always tastes like dirt with that crappy fondant on it. YUCK!), how many attendants, and yes, the presents.  They complain about presents that can’t be returned for money (yes, it’s about the love between a man and a woman…), the hideous relatives (who had to pay to come) and their MIL who are out to RUIN their perfect days.  Given how wacked out our “wedding” was, I can usually shut down such conversations in a short period of time.  But not always.  Bragging rights rein (plus I don’t have a gumball sized diamond  that isn’t paid for to show my husband’s love.  Instead, I have no debt or outstanding student loans.  Take that pretentious twit!) especially when it comes to superfluous shows of conspicuous consumption.

What I’ve come to realize, however, is that the more important the wedding, the less important the marriage.  Women who have gone on at LENGTH about their weddings will turn around to tell me they are divorcing –often within 5 years.  When I express any sympathy, I’m always met with things like, “It wasn’t mean to be.” or “It’s for the best.”  Really?  All that fuss for what?  Your day in the limelight princess?

I think it’s sad that the princess fantasy of being the belle of the ball takes precedence over the actual life together.  It’s almost like compromise, growing together, forsaking others, and honoring each other is a distant memory.  While it takes two to tank a marriage, I think placing the ceremony over the institution should be allowed into court as entering into a fraudulent marriage.

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5 thoughts on “Complexities of Marriage and Divorce

  1. I agree.

    In our own case, I don’t think my soon-to-be-ex-wife idealized the ceremony or the reception so much, but I do believe that she had getting married as the brass ring to grab for, as opposed to being married.

    I don’t know for sure (I could ask, but she’s asleep right now), but I believe she had a hope chest while growing up. Is there anything more vile than a ‘hope chest’, that places all this emphasis upon marriage as a be-all, end-all?

  2. Suzanne says:

    I agree about the hope chest. I also agree that for many women GETTING married is more important than BEING married.

    I remember a neighbor telling me I should start a hope chest when I was a teenage. I did (sort of), but with the idea of having stuff for ME when I moved out. I fully remember buying purple champagne flutes for myself and wanting to register for china just so I’d have nice dishes. Of course NO ONE lets you register for dishes without getting married. Too bad. Especially since I think part of the GETTING married phenom is the whole GETTING NICE AND PRETTY THINGS phenom.

  3. […] this line on a fellow blogger’s blog (Suzanne, who is, as far as I know, happily married): “I was never into weddings.  I can honestly say […]

  4. justaglimpse says:

    Well my wedding sucked, and like all marriages it has it’s ups and downs. Up right now.

    I want nice and pretty things, but today a dryer that dries faster went to the top of my list. Mine is taking 120 minutes to dry a load of laundry. It’s driving me crazy.

  5. Suzanne says:

    Girl, I know it! However, I think from the very beginning you had to decide if you were willing to do the work that marriage requires. Even with the rough spots, you’ve decided yes. That says something.

    As for the dryer, I get that.

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