Stuff That Irks Me

I’m not a food snob.  In fact, the more words in a menu item, the less I can taste.  Seriously you really can’t taste 12 different ingredients (chipolte mango cumin mayonnaise with lime and sea salt?  Seriously?).  It’s all about tempting you to buy more (eat more calories) than you need.  That said, there are some thoughts or ideas about food that just irritate me to no end, plus some other stuff thrown in for good measure.

  1. If you hate grits, but love polenta, you have a problem.  They are the same damned thing.  Don’t be a food snob.
  2. If you REFUSE to eat sugar on fruit, but you will eat macerated fruit at an Italian restaurant, you are an idiot.  They are the same damned thing.  Don’t be a food snob.
  3. I’ve had gelato.  It’s Italian for ice cream.  Seriously.  Don’t be a food snob.
  4. I’ve also had REAL Chinese food.  American-Chinese food is tastier and much less scary.  I’m not that adventurous anymore.  Sea cucumber should not be food.  In cases like this, you SHOULD be a food snob.
  5. Andouille is sausage.  It’s perfectly fine, but it’s still probably made out of things you wouldn’t normally eat.  If you’re going to be picky about sausage, you shouldn’t eat it.  Really.
  6. If you’re squeamish about where you food comes from (yes meat used to be cute animals.  Not so much anymore.) you should not eat it.  I don’t eat meat, but it’s not because I have issues with killing cute animals.
  7. I don’t care what you call it, venison is deer.  It’s Bambi for your grill, and it’s gamey-tasting.
  8. A lot of times, it really doesn’t taste like chicken.
  9. People who say, “Nothing tastes as great as thin feels” aren’t eating the right foods.  Also, a moment on your lips means a lifetime on your hips means you’re eating butter ALL THE TIME.  Nothing can do that much damage.  A lifetime?  Hyperbole at its worst.
  10. For the people who think Hagen-Daz is better than sex, remember, it’s just ice cream.  If your sex life is that bad, ice cream is not going to help.  In fact, if you eat it like #9, then I’m wrong.  It can do that much damage.
  11. Molecular gastronomy, why?  I don’t want shrimp foam EVER or some sort of meat jello.  The 70s are over thankyouverymuch and I’ll thank you to stop revising the worst of it as some sort of inspired cookery.
  12. Put the cell phone down and have a REAL conversation.
  13. What is up with U2’s new albumn?  Put on your boots?  SIGH.
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One thought on “Stuff That Irks Me

  1. Morocco says:

    This had me laughing! I agree with numbers # 1, 3, 4, 6, 7 (absolutely!), 9, 10, and 12.

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