Fake & Weird

Salon Magazine (can you call it a magazine if it’s online?) has declared that “bush is back”.  Essentially, in this economy can you really afford to pay to have your pubs ripped out by some stranger?  And if you can, do you want to?  Since I’m not 12, I don’t really want to “look 12” if you get my drift.

I figure if we’re going to stop the weird Brazilian wax (your PUBES ripped out with hot wax ON PURPOSE!), then we should get rid of some of the other bizarre “beauty” rituals we’ve come to know and “love.”  Fake bake of all varieties is at the top of my list.  Why “pretend” to be tan when you’re not?  I don’t understand tanning beds or tanning lotions.  The beds just give you cancer (a very attractive beauty regimine in my book) and the lotions make you smell. I mean smell.  I’ve tried them.  I’ve come across rotten fish that smell better.  However, I don’t rub them on my body.

And let’s talk “French” manicures.  [EYE ROLL].  In the early 80s, I did them for myself.  I would have a white tip and an overlay.  It was a lot of work.  It was never as “sophisticated” as I hoped.  It was never as fun was the spots and stripes I did for myself.  Fast forward a decade or so and these things are so ubiquitous that they are the go-to look for porn stars, strippers, and chicks in Playboy.  Top that with it’s THE LOOK for brides and ugh…  Can we just give it up?  Hell, we’re not even talking about real nails.  We’re talking FAKE tips that are glued onto regular nails.  The white “tip” has turned into 3/4 of the nail, and not in a good way.

For 2009, let’s think about going “old school” and reinventing ourselves as, well, ourselves.


4 thoughts on “Fake & Weird

  1. DOMINO says:

    I would love to see an end to those chemically over-blown lips. They’re obscene.

  2. Suzanne says:

    YES! I completely agree. As long as we’re deflating things, how about some MELON breasts returning to their previously pear beginnings?

  3. DOMINO says:

    Yep. Absolutely. Have you ever seen the website “Awful Plastic Surgery”? The manner in which those surgeons are mutilating people is just a crying shame.

  4. Suzanne says:

    No, but now I can see that I’ll have a new time-consuming obsession. Then again, given that I’m supposed to stay quiet and not do much, it might just get me through that!

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